Let’s just say it straight: the exhaustion many of us women feel isn’t just about having too much to do. It’s about being the one who’s expected to carry it all – all the time. We’re seen as the planner, the fixer, the organiser, the one who always just knows what needs done.
This is the hidden load. The behind-the-scenes, unpaid, unspoken work that women have carried for generations. And for too many of us, it’s reached a tipping point -especially in midlife and menopause, when our bodies, minds and spirits are already stretched thin.
What Is Invisible Work?
It’s not just cleaning the house. It’s noticing that it needs cleaning in the first place. It’s remembering the dog needs wormed, that the school trip form is due, that there’s no bread, that your partner’s mother’s birthday is next week and someone needs to sort a card.
It’s the emotional labour of managing moods, smoothing conflict, listening, cheering others on, absorbing stress – often without anyone even realising you’re doing it.
It’s the mental load of always being ten steps ahead, constantly calculating, anticipating and coordinating.
It’s the spinning all the plates while juggling all the balls – making sure everyone has what they need and gets to where they need to be.
And most of the time? No one sees it. Which means it’s just taken for granted. And no one offers to help. Because to them, it just magically gets done.
Why It’s Burning Women Out
The problem isn’t that women can’t manage all of this – of course we’re more than capable. It’s that we shouldn’t have to. Not on our own. Not silently. Not endlessly.
And when you throw menopause into the mix – when your hormones are fluctuating, your sleep is disrupted, your patience is wearing thin and your brain feels like it’s gone on holiday without you – this invisible load can feel unbearable.
You don’t just feel tired. You feel completely done in.
The Cost of Carrying It All
All of this pressure, stress and weight of responsibility comes with a cost and here’s how it might show up for you:
You’re not imagining it. You’re not weak. You’re just human – trying to be super human most days.
You’re burned out from years – decades even – of being the default everything for everyone.
What We Can Finally Start Doing About It
We don’t need another scented candle or bubble bath – although it’s a nice way to spend an hour. What we need is a more permanent solution. We need real change – in our homes, in our habits and in the expectations of those around us and the expectations we place on ourselves.
Here’s what we can start doing, right now:
Name it. This is invisible work. This is emotional and mental labour. Say it out loud. Start conversations with your partner, your family, your friends. Let them see what’s been hiding in plain sight and make them understand how it’s making you feel.
When it’s visible, it can no longer be ignored.
Let go of the idea that ‘it’s easier to just do it myself’. That mindset has many of us running ourselves into the ground.
Teenagers and even primary-age children are perfectly capable of contributing. In fact, it’s good for them. It teaches life skills, responsibility and respect for shared responsibilities.
Consider letting your teenager cook a meal once a week, put the bins out or sort their own laundry. Let your 9-year-old pack their school bag or help with setting the table. Will it be done perfectly? No. Will they learn? Absolutely.
And most importantly – don’t step in and fix it unless it’s truly necessary. Let them learn through experience. Your job is to raise capable humans, not to be a personal assistant in your own home.
Many women find themselves being the default parent, organiser or care-giver – often without even realising it. But these roles are not set in stone.
Sit down with your partner and redistribute the load. Not just the doing, but the thinking about the doing. You’re not the only one who should remember the dates of everyone’s next dental checkup!
You’re not asking for help here. You’re simply asking for fairness.
This one’s big. So many women feel guilty if they’re not being ‘productive’. We’ve been taught to tie our worth to how much we get done.
But rest is productive.
Sitting on the sofa with a cuppa, staring out the window or lying in bed with a book is not lazy. It’s necessary from time to time. Your nervous system needs that down time. Your brain needs that pause. Your soul needs that space.
What would you be doing if you weren’t running around managing everyone else’s lives?
Maybe it’s walking on the beach. Maybe it’s dancing in the kitchen to music only you like. Maybe it’s finally starting the course, the journal, the side project, the new business.
Start saying yes to you. Even if it’s five minutes a day. Even if it feels indulgent. You are allowed to take up space in your own life.
You don’t have to unravel all of this on your own. There are other women walking this same path and there is power in connection. Whether it’s a coach, a group, a friend or a menopause community – find your people.
You deserve to be supported, just like you’ve supported everyone else over the years.
It’s Time for a Reset.
This stage of life can be a redefining moment. A chance to say ‘I’m not doing this anymore – something needs to change.’
It’s not about doing it all, doing it alone or doing it silently.
It’s a chance to rewrite the rules. To make space for rest, for joy, for purpose, for peace. To experience something different – not just for ourselves but for the next generation of women.
You’ve carried so much, for so long. You don’t have to carry it all on your own anymore.
Copyright © 2025 Karina Todd
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